In the event you feel that this post is telling you a tale but you missed the backstory, bravo - you are perceptive, Watson. This post is a part of a separate post that I have chosen to keep private for various reasons. With some edits, this excerpt was very public blog-worthy (and yes, the title is Pre inspired).
I have been doing some soul searching, a continuing work in progress. Along this winding stream of consciousness I have had a few thoughts float to the surface that I feel are important enough to hold onto.
I need to work on living in the moment, because right now I'm stressing out about a dream I have that is at least 2 years at the earliest away from any sort of valid attempt, and agonizing about perceived future complications has been giving me a headache. A lot can change in 2 years (I'm looking at you, grad school). I have never seriously made the attempt to alter my thought process from future forward to live in the moment. YOLO was an easy excuse to live in the moment and do stupid things when I was younger, even if we didn't have a fancy acronym and celebrity spokespeople for it. This time though, is different. This time I want to do this for me, to improve my life. Staying in the here and now will hopefully relieve some of my seemingly overwhelming anxieties about the future.
I have decided that a huge part of grounding myself in the here and now means becoming my best self in every aspect of this present life. The best Miranda I can be. I want to be the best at my job, not for advancement, just for mastery. I want to be the best member of my professional organizations - not for recognition, just for competence. I want to be the best wife I can be purely to keep our relationship healthy in all possible ways. I want to be in the best shape I can be to feel good about myself and to achieve short term goals for my fitness.
The question keeps up as a litany in my head "are you being the best you can be right now?" "is this making you the best, or tearing you down?" "are these thoughts productive?" That sort of thinking has some downsides, but I'm working to deal with that fallout as productively as possible.
I need to pack some of my future desperate desires and dreams away for a while, and focus on being me. The best me I can be.
The thoughts will still be there - but I have bigger plans at the moment. I know they wait patiently for me to return my attention back to them. All of my solutions and long term plans that I have developed in just 24 hours of attempting not to think about my dreams have been put on hiatus.
They're still with me, and they can wait.
"I have decided that a huge part of grounding myself in the here and now means becoming my best self in every aspect of this present life. "
ReplyDeleteI love the eloquence of this. I love this philosophy. I think to do anything less is to cheat yourself of this experience that is life. I really admire your ability to stick to this in multiple spectra, because it's the balance of it all that usually seems to fool people.
I have a dream to hike the appalachian trail before I'm 30, want to come for part of it?
ReplyDeleteNaheed - thanks dear, I'm glad you liked it.
ReplyDeleteAlex. Yes, actually. Let's start planning this, even if it's a vague outline.