True Confessions: Student Conduct Doubts

There are times that I wonder about the 'point' of the work that I do. I wonder about the quantifiable effect that I'm having upon the students that I'm meeting with. I look at the severity of their infractions and ponder how much time I spend constructing the valid conversations, the critical questions, and most of all the empathetic open-mindedness with which I approach each interaction.

What does it matter? We don't work in a world where thank yous come in droves, where our students typically excel, and where they write notes filled with words of gratitude for the leadership they have witnessed and learned through our relationship. Many times my measure of success is meeting with a student once - and then never seeing them again.

The doubts creep in at times - are they rolling their eyes at the inconvenience of  the meeting they are required to schedule? "It was just drinking, man!" Do they find my attempts to connect and understand authentic, or do I just look like I'm trying too hard?

Reflections of this ilk are what descend on the tough days - the ones where I know my words are falling on deaf ears, where I finally sign that termination letter that I've been dreading, where the mental instability of a student saps the remaining energy that I possess in the space of a half an hour meeting.

The doubt, however, is always held back by a few thoughts, inspired by the quotes of others, and just in case you need a reminder today, here is what inspires me:


We don't get to determine what constitutes a crisis to our students. A hangnail to one may be the straw that breaks the back of another. It is not our place to put their crisis into global perspective, it is our place to help them understand where that crisis falls in the grand scheme of their own life, and assist them in learning that while the choice they made may be a defining moment in their life, the current crisis that exists does not have to define the rest of the long road ahead.


"My job is to believe in other people's children" - Dr. Roper at the ASCA 2011 keynote

We have to believe they can succeed. Even the difficult ones, the ones we don't like, the students who give us reason to despair. We must believe and have faith, because just maybe at that point there is no one else who believes in them - even themselves. Looking at a student and saying, "I believe you can do better" may change nothing - but it could change everything. That is why I do this work.